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Juan B

Page history last edited by Juan B 12 years, 11 months ago

Fliqz has shut down their service. To access this video, email support with this video id: 2dc1a9bb1d7940aea9a55f4dffc48d7c
 Hi! I'm juan and welcome to my wiki! hope we have a great school year with as little homework as possible!(:

 

Be sure to check out the other cool stuff too!

                                       
4-29-11
2nD
The Salem Witch Trials
The future is interesting. the past is even better. the Salem witch trials where a truly amazing time period, but for the people who lived in Salem back then, it was a perfect example of human rashness and ignorance.
 
the Salem witch trials first started in the winter of 1692 when two girls 19 year old Betty Paris and her cousin. Abigail Williams started to act strangely, huddling up in corners, not talking to other people, and at times screaming as if they are in great pain while they twisted and turned in strange positions. Also, one of their playmates also got sick with the same symptoms, then about another dozen girls got sick. their parents had them see lots of doctors, but none of them could find anything wrong with the girls. finally one doctor said that he had an answer, but the answer was witches. it was witches tormenting the girls.
 
 The girls had tried everything from fasting to praying, but if anything, the twitches got even stronger, more violent, and more frequent. The girls parents took this very seriously and started to pressure the girls into telling them who was the witch that was hurting them. Soon, by the end of the month, the girls gave them the name of tituba Indian, a slave girl in the city of Salem, Sarah good and Sarah Osborne. both of the sisters did not attend church, which in this town and many other towns, was pretty much a given and a place to congregate.
 
 
 
 Sarah Osborne was brought in for questioning and was asked questions like: " why did you hurt them? " as if the was already guilty. Of course, she said she was not a witch, and did not hurt the girls, but the judges did not believe her. Then it was tituba indian’s turn to be questioned. She denied any part of being a witch at first, but then started to say things like " I didn't want to hurt the girls ". she also said that the devil had visited her and gave her gifts in return for her services. In one visit, the devil had supposedly brought along Sarah good and Sarah Osborne as well as a man which she did not know by name.
 
Sarah good also denied being a witch, but of course, the questioners where not taking heed. Even Sarah good’s husband testified that she was probably a witch, along with her daughter, Dorcas which said that she had seen her mother send birds over to attack the girls. While Sarah good pleaded innocent some of the girls started to shriek in pain and yell that Sarah good’s spirit was pinching and chocking them. this was a very important step in the witch trials because even though tituba Indian may have saved her own life in that trial, but she had doomed many other Innocent people be " proving " one thing, the girls where right in picking the witch.
 
On march fifth, tituba Indian, Sarah good, and Sarah Osborne where thrown in jail for witch craft. Before tituba was jailed, she had told the judges that there where still three withes out And about. by now all kinds of people where being accused of witchcraft, from lowly beggars to highly respected members of society. even the well respected minister, George Burroughs was accused of being a wizard. One of the people that was well regarded and also accused of witchcraft was Rebeca nurse, a trusted and well sought after person in Salem. The person that accused Rebeca nurse was Ann Putnams, and like many other accusations, many more people soon followed. Rebeca nurse denied being a witch, but the judges yet again turned a blind eye to the defender and payed attention to only the accusers, Rebeca nurse was thrown into the Salem jail, found guilty of being a witch.
By now Betty Paris Abigail Williams, and the other girls owned the town in all but in name. they did not demand gifts or homage, but they would accuse somebody at the drop of a pin ( and importantly, people wold listen ) and that made people afraid of them. The people who would say that these girls where liars and there where no witches, where often accused themselves. one of these people was john proctor, a true hero, which did something that only people with great courage and inner strength do, he stood up to society. He stood up to the girls and said that they where lying and there where no witches and all this killing was a stupid waste of life. He in turn, was accused of wizardry along with his family and thrown in jail. Unlike many heroes/just like many heroes ( depends on your point of view ) he was killed.
After john proctor, other people started to doubt the girls. One of the judges even said that he did not want one of the accused to be a witch. After a while people began to doubt the girls more and more and more one minister said that it would be better for ten witches to escape instead of one innocent person being killed.
Then, the girls where being outright ignored.
 
The girls publicly apologized for the witch trials. But at the end of the trials more than one HUNDRED people had been innocently hanged. Luckily, the people In jail where released and let free. As you can see from this report, any person that was not under the influence of fear would not have believed those crazy girls. first of all, any person in there right mind would not believe that one pare of girls could find witches just by accusing them. also, if I where a witch, I would not say, hey! lets all torture some of the only people that will accuse us!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
bibliography
 Salem witch trials price sean raintree Chicago Illinois 2009
The salem witch trials martin micheal bascle brian
The salem witch trials dunn joeming martin cythia magic wagon edina Minnesota 2009
 
 
Introduction
·       creepy past
 
begining
·       betty paris and abigail williams strange behavior
·       doctors helpless
·       one doctor said it was a witch
·       people pressured the girls
·       girls accused people
accusations
·       sarah osborne
·       sarah good
trials
·       nobody was belived
·       most people got hanged
·       ending
·       people in prison relesead
·       girls apoligize
·       current day salem
slawter.
                                    by juan bonetti
Yet again Darren Shan pulls off a thrilling, jaw-dropping, eye-popping,
amazing and cliff-hanging (the list could go on for ever) adventure!
This time the popular horror writer drags a teenage kid with

little or no idea of what is happening into a life threatening situation (I
love it when he does that)!

The teenager in question is Grubbs. His family was killed in front of his
eyes by a demon master called Lord Loss, and Grubbs was sent to a crazy home
to be cured of his “fake” thoughts and nightmares of demons. His uncle found him
there and took him to his home where he started to teach him
about magic.  Meanwhile his new friend who is actually his step

brother (a result of his dad having an affair) turns into a werewolf.  
Since the only known cure for lycanthropy is in the hands of Lord Loss
and Grubbs and his uncle are determined to cure the poor rogue werewolf, they
challenge Lord Loss to a deadly five-board game of chess. The stakes?  Their
lives and the cure for lycanthropy for Bill-e. After a gruesome battle, Grubbs and
his uncle finally defeat Lord Loss and cure Bill-e. 
In the next book, Grubbs and Dervish are called upon by Davida, a famous 
horror movie director looking for help with her new movie "Slawter. " Davida called 
them because of Dervish's extensive knowledge of the occult.  Her intention
is to film a realistic movie that will secure her a place in movie-making history. 
Grubbs is very enthusiastic to be the talk of the school and be able to see a 
movie been filmed, but Dervish has a different reason for accepting Davida's call.  
After talking with her for a while, he finds out that she actually knows quite a lot about demons 
and might come close to accidentally summoning one. He agrees to join 
because he wants to steer Davida away from the truth, and most likely because 
he has a "small" fancy for Juni, Davida's assistant.

After Grubbs and Dervish accept to help, Davida makes them sign a disclaimer stating

that they will willingly go to an isolated secret place and not leave
until the movie is finished. The movie will be about a town overrun by
demons, which makes Grubbs a little edgy.  Obviously he still has not recovered
from the fight with Lord Loss.  Bill-e also was part of the "team."   Davida reluctantly 
agreed adding him as an extended family member because Grubbs did not want to go without him.

When Grubbs, Dervish and Bill-e got to "Slawter" they quickly made friends
with a young actor called Emmet.  Emmet's part in the movie is to play a boy who

eats his Principal's dead body and then gets killed by a demon. For the
first few days all four explore the town of Slawter, see the buildings that are
fake, and those with real rooms, and also the many trailers and kitchens which
are needed to keep all the staff and actors on site.  They also help Emmet with 
his lines.   
 
Then they have to attend school with a bunch of snotty spoiled jerks, an acronym

   for Junior Educated Rich Kids. The big day finally comes (or should I say Emmet's big day comes?)

  when he acts, the seen was perfect from the time emmet was eating his principal to the demon thrashing out of an open manhole and grabbing him, accept for one teensy little part, as you can see from the next passage from Darren Shan's book Slawter:

- Show quoted text -

 
.
     It all happened so swiftly, I'm in a state of shock. So is
everybody else. Stunned silence. People with hands over their mouths
and disbelief in their eyes. I sense screams building in a dozen
throats, ready to erupt at once, a chorus of terror.
     Now that's what I call a death scene! Davida Haym roars
triumphantly, shattering the spell of fear. Cut! Did you get that?
You'd better have! Well never top that take!
     And suddenly everybodys laughing, relief flooding through them.
They thought for a few seconds that the demon was real, that Emmet was
really being attacked. Now the moment has passed and they've
remembered this is make-believe, horrific fun, a movie. They're
embarrassed at having been caught out, but since so many of the others
reacted the same way, they're not left feeling too red-faced.
     I told you! Dervish laughs, clapping loudly. Wasn't that the
most vicious, coolest thing you've ever seen?
     My heart! Juni gasps, fanning her face with one hand. I didn't
expect it all to happen so fast!
     That was amazing! Bill-E exclaims. Did you see it, Grubbs? That
spray of blood like it was coming from a fireman's hose! It was
Grubbs? Are you OK? Hey, Dervish, I think there's something wrong with
Grubbs. He looks like ...
     I block out Bill-E's words and the other sounds. I experienced

the same sense of terror that many of the people around me felt. The
same jolt of fear. The same moment of belief that this was real. But
whereas they've got over that moment, I can't.

     Because I'm remembering the look of the demon. Its movements.
The hate in its eyes. The effect it had on me.  And I'm staring at the
open manhole, all the blood around it, no sign of Emmet or the
monster.
     And I'm thinking every part of me is insisting
     That was no damn guy in a suit.
     That demon was real!
 



   Are demons real? Who can we trust? 

   Will Emmet come out alive? What will become of

   poor Emmet?  All this and more will be revealed in this exiting thriller!


I really really like the book's cleverness with the bond you make with a
character.  You become so involved that soon you find yourself wanting

   that a character fly out of any situation and "kick butt". This book is an amazing work of art that really

makes you see the world like you were the main character.  Every time you read it,
you live through the time that Grubbs did this or that. It is a truly marvelous
book.

I would recommend this book to almost anybody that likes the idea of the
occult, but does not necessarily want to stay up all night thinking of
things that go bump! in the dark. I close this book report by saying, for heaven's sake! read
this book and any other book that is written by a genius called Darren
Shan!

 

 

 

book report!

 

 

 

 

If I could go to any place in the United States I would go to Hawaii

http://www.bestplaceshawaii.com/tips/10_best/things_to_do.html    http://frankosmaps.com/maps/product/Frankos-Hawaiian-Islands-Chain-Guide-Map.html

Hawaii. Happy, Awesome, Wonderful, Addictive,In the zone for carefree easygoing relaxation. the reason i would loveto go to Hawaii is that there are millions of fun activities for adults and children ( so instead of your mom and dad whining to go back to the air conditioned hotel, they'll be laying onthe beach soaking up the sun, drinking something out of a coconut). Molokini is a breath taking off shore marine preserve and  is over flowing with life and the visibility is a jaw-dropping eighty to two hundred feet, perfect for snorkeling. Hawaii's beaches are some of the most beautiful in the world and are well loved by surfers and swimmers, with eight hundred and six miles of stunning beach for every body to share.

That's why of all the places in the united states i would go to Hawaii.

 

  

 

.

For Sal's place I chose Yosemite national park

 

 

 

http://www.nps.gov/yose/planyourvisit/waterfalls.htm 

 

Yosemite national park is  home to many breath taking waterfalls. Of the nine waterfalls that this national park has one that is unique beyond belief, the worlds only fire water fall! Every year sometime near February twenty first the setting sun hits Horsetailfalls in such a way that it looks like the waterfall is actually fire! And this amazing waterfall is not only beautiful when is "on fire" is just as extravagant when is normal too! This is just one of the most beautiful specticals that Yosemite

 

 

 

 

                 

 

 

with fire                                                        without fire

 

My Walk Two Moons Essay

 

Walk Two Moonsis a breath taking novel about a girl named Sal. In her babyhood, Sal's mother went away on a road trip but never came back. Later in the novel Sal learns that her mother died when the bus she was riding on crashed with only one survivor (Mrs. Cadaver). Sal follows her mom's footsteps by taking the same road trip with her grandparents.  During her own journey, she tells them about her adventures with her friend Phoebe, a strange girl with a wild imagination and a soon-to-be missing mother.

 

Sal is a thick headed person because even though deep down she knew her mom was dead, she still wanted to get to Idaho by her mother's birthday to try to convince her to come back. Sal is a person that likes adventure, yet never has any.  So when Phoebe's mom leaves and her daughter refuses to take the obvious hints (notes left by her mother telling them how to cook things), Sal takes seriously Phoebe's beliefs that her mom was kidnapped and that a search to Mrs. Cadaver's house will produce some "evidence."  Sal says "yes" to such nonsense (when any other sane person would have said no).

 

Sal is a look-on-the-bright-side kind of person. By contrast, Phoebe is an adventurous, thick headed, pessimistic person.  She's one of the "round" characters in the book who changes over time.  She proves to be adventurous when she looks through Mrs. Cadaver's home, or when she goes to the police station.  But she is also very pessimistic.  She believes her mom got killed even though it's obvious that she is not. Phoebe is a thick headed person too.  Usually she sticks to her ideas no matter how crazy they are, like when she thought that Mrs. Cadaver has killed her husband just because she has a strange last name.

 

Our two characters, Sal and Phoebe, may be friends but are two people with different opinions.  Sal is adventurous and so is Phoebe but Phoebe is pessimistic and Sal is not.  Sal is thick headed and so is Phoebe. With this two out of three comparison, I think that Sal and Phoebe are two people that are relatively the same with different minor quirks.

 

----

Mr. Kabodian's suggestions:

 

  • click on the ABCcheckmark inthe Edit menu, which will make red squiggly lines under the words that are spelled wrong; right click and you'll get suggested spellings
  • say more about Phoebe in the introduction since she is a major focus of the essay
  • don't use the word "round" for Phoebe unless you explain it more
  • go through and look for words to capitalize, too
  • you need an example of Phoebe being "thick-headed"
  • fine draft, overall....10/10 

 

 

 

Time and Blood

 

 

I wiped my gloved hand on my forehead while I tightened a bolt on our newest invention. Max and Mr Woodman where working on a ten-foot long chalkboard carrying x and y all around the board trying to figure out which of the three places we would land: New york, some where in Michigan, or the least favorable option, in Alaska. I checked a third and final time that the bolts where tight, that the cargo was balanced equally, and that we would have enough fuel to last us a two-way trip: a special magnetic oil that max and Mr woodman had spent years along with hundreds of dollars to make.  satisfied with the results of my test, I glanced outside of the small basement window, into the dark stormy cobblestones of late eighteenth century London, a place which was doomed to a second plague, diabetes,dead by thirst they called them. but not anymore. "Hey, how is it going over there, any better luck?" I asked , not expecting a positive answer, " actually, we where able to rule out Alaska! It turns out that the time cracks there aren't strong enough to pull in the capsule!". I immediately felt a strong weight lift off my shoulders and I worked with renewed vigor.
The next day I had just finished pulling on my boots when I heard my brother yell " Jack, come on were gonna' be late" " it's OK, I'm just putting on my boots and ' ready to go".
We ran through the still wet cobble stones toward Mr. woodman's shop.
" Is everything ok Mr woodman?" "yes all that is left is the trip to bring back the insulin."

Max got into the front and I sat down in the back, it was quite a tight fit, but there was enough room for us, the money for the insulin ( $1,000 ), a newspaper to prove that we where from the past, food and a tent.
The reason that we would need a tent, is that the time machine needs a one-day cool-down so it doesn't overheat.

Mr Woodman would not be coming with us, he would be to heavy, and the the time cracks would not pull us in,

therefore, no time travel.

"Ok, I'm heating the fuel, are you boys ready?" said Mr. woodman rather nervously, "yep, we are ready, put her in!".

Mr woodman poured the oil into the gyroscope and cranked it, when it reached full speed, I felt my head feeling

light, and then I was jerked forward as the room turned black, and then i fell completely numb, but at the same time i felt all the blood rush to my feet and stay there.

I woke up and I rubbed my eyes, I looked at my hands, they where covered in red, blood? I thought, then i noticed that i had had a bloody nose. I groaned and looked around, I was in a park, central park, I recalled. I suddenly thought, where's the time machine??!! then I looked behind me and saw Max and the machine both looked a bit mangled, but then I thought, I probably look the same way. " Hey, Max, wake up were here!!" max groaned, rolled over, then opened his eyes, looking around, and then said, " so we landed in michigan huh? ". " actually, think it's central park, see how the grass is trimmed and there aren't that many trees around, just dotting the landscape, not covering it? " I contradicted. "well, we might as well stay here and set up camp, it's getting dark out and I don't want to go into New York at night" I said. Max seeing my logic took the tent out of our time machine and began to pitch it, it was quite a tight fit but is was nice and cozy in our tent, the sky was pretty clear, but the air was a bit chilly.

Time travel is accurate enough to get you into a certain week, day even, but actual hour was beyond our means, so actually only being physically drained, not mentally,  we fell into a dreamless sleep. pushing our task over to the next day.

I woke up to find that Max had already eaten his ration of jerky and water, and that is was already midday. " Let's go into the city and try to find some insulin" I said. "ok i hope we'll be welcomed" worried Max.

We walked forward about three kilometers, until we came to a road. " look at all the weird cars, they're so smooth and shiny!" I said. " Ok,  I guess this is gonna be hard, I guess we should start by asking where the hospital is" said max, heading toward somebody. He asked the directions to the hospital and the man said it was quite a far way to walk, but he said if you walked down this street for about fifteen blocks you would come to the hospital. We started walking, not wanting to waste time, and looked around future new york, there where a lot of people walking around and I almost lost sight of max a coupe of times but we reached the hospital unscathed. 

The hospital loomed over us ( like most buildings, in fact ) but it was the end of our mission and we could not wait for that any longer, so we went into the white building. A woman greeted us from behind a counter reading a magazine and asked us why we where here more absorbed in the magazine than in the two boys in front of her , we answered by saying we would like to buy some insulin if they had any. She explained they would sell it for about three hundred dollars per liter or we could buy a quart for a hundred. of course this suited us perfectly because we had one thousand dollars, she took the cash not even questioning where we got it from and why we needed it, then gave us the incline. We where about to exit the hospital with three gallons of the precious incline tucked into our backpacks, when the woman, apparently snapping out of her haze, said " oops you'll need to show me your ID's and which of you is a diabetic" of course when we heard that we took one look in her direction and ran

We ran away as fast two thirteen-year-old boys could ever run ( with about one and a half gallons of insulin on their backs of course ). I remember the adrenaline rushing through my body pushing me on and the sound of one or so nurses yelling for somebody to stop those two "thieves" which was completely unfair, because we had just dropped one grand for something that looked like water two gallons of water.

A man was following us now, he ran like the wind, well actually, he ran like a bull, pushing people out of our way and sometimes gaining and sometimes loosing ground. Even though we weaved through people and not charged through them, we still could not lose him I told Max through puffs of air that we would have to loose him in the park, by going all the way through the woods, then splitting up in a v pattern, and whoever the man followed would stall the man by running all around, giving the other the time to start up the time machine and get ready for the other.

Once we reached the park's woods I said "NOW!" and we split up. I ran as fast not even bothering to look behind me to see if the man was behind me. I finally glanced behind me and of course, the man was about ten feet away from me huffing and puffing just like me. If this goes on, i instinctively going to get caught, I thought instinctively looking for a weapon, a rock, or a stick? My eyes fell upon a broken beer bottle, fueled by pure presurvment, I grabbed the bottle, ignoring the pain that shot up my hand and using my last ounce of strength, I turned around and threw it. I saw the glass flipping toward my targets face, and then I heard a single word escape the man's lips, "crap.". I turned around and saw that he was on the ground clutching his blood spattered face. Then I said something that i meant with every fiber of my being, " I'm sorry." 

I turned around and dashed off to the time machine, not being able to hold back tears.

When I got back to the machine Max saw my tear-streaked face and asked what had happened, which I sobbed " nothing " and told him to go.

Then I felt that same sensation of restrained weightlessness and then I saw Mr. woodman with a generous portion of coffee and muffins.

"Boys! Are you all right? Did you get the insulin? What happened?" this wave of questions came so suddenly and from a so messy usually neat Mr. woodman startled both of us. I was about to show him the insulin when almost in unison, a wave of nausea washed over both me and Max and we both vomited on the floor. After we had emptied our stomachs and we told Mr. woodman of what had happened, I told them of what I had done. Mr woodman looked at me with a look that confused me, it looked like a mixture of sadness, happiness and remorse, then I noticed it was respect, Mr woodman was proud of me! " Haden, I am impressed with the bravery leadership and disission that you showed on this trip, although I do not want you want you throwing glass at people, that man was a risk to your life, and you did the right thing. Well, we better get this stuff to the scientists and have then copy it."

This trip had changed me and max forever and will never measure up to any thing i will ever do in my life except maybe my trip for a cure for cancer, but that's another story.......

 

 

thesis

 

Have you ever wanted to learn a new skill? Cooking, computer animation, Spanish, french, Japanese, the list goes on and on. in most middle schools there are SOME electives, but not nearly enough. There are many many many reasons to have more electives, it looks good on you college application to have two years of almost any elective, gives you many more skills and if you are really good at an elective you can skip a year and get a couple of high school of even college credits!

 

My first reason to have more electives is that they give you more skills you can use in your later life. One of the skills you can get is computer skills, which can help you make more interesting and profeshinal-looking presentations for school or your job. Also, you could learn another language, which would open an infinite number of possibility's like going to another country and being able to enjoy the culture to its fullest. Getting more electives could even save people money, like if you took engineering, you would be able to understand more of your appliances and be able to fix them instead of paying a handyman a fat fee.

 

Even another reason to have more electives is that they can get you high school and even college credits! The more electives there are, the more of a chance that people will find something that they truly enjoy and excel at. when people find a subject that they are good at, they can take a test to see if they can skip a year of that subject and if you where in eigth grade, you could be taking a high school class!. When you take a high school class in middle school, that means by about you third year of high school, you would get a college credit, saving you about three hundred dollars at MSU ( and lets not forget that most classes are not just one credit! ).

 

My last reason to have more electives is that it looks great on your college application to have two or more years of any elective! When you go to an elective and get extra credits, it looks really good on you application because colleges want students with advanced classes. When you get a good college application, you can do many things like get scholarships, get into a better college and much more!

 

In conclusion, having more electives will be a good thing for schools in many ways. It gives you valuable skills, you can use in your later life. It gives you extra credits, which can save you hundreds of dollars, and looks great on you college application! Schools should have more electives because it helps students in almost anything!

 

 

 

 Graffiti Under the I-95 Overpass - Ft Lauderdale, FL

can you read what it says? (hint:it is in the opening sentences)

 

uɐnظ :ǝɯɐu ʎɯ s,ʇı

 

 

 

below:what to do if you are (really) bored

 

 

 

 

Personally, I've never been THIS bored, but in case you are.......


 

 

 

 

picture gallery

 

      

evil or cute?.........you decide.                            say hello to my little friend 

 

 

                         

what eez theez substance you call...........cofee?     


Hovercat lolcat

://lolcats.com/view/9574/                                                                                        hehehe.

 

 

 

jokes!!!! courtesy of bluedonut.com

 

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

 

Two guys are walking down the street when a robber approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

 

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising,"the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

 

hey say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona. (Bob Hope/Gene Perret)

 

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

A guy asks a lawyer what his fee is. "I charge $50 for three questions," the lawyer says. "That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?" the guy asks. "Yes," the lawyer replies, Now what’s your final question?"

 

I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio… (Bill Braudis)

 

After 12 years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.. He said, "No hablo ingles." (Ronnie Shakes)

( i don't speak English )

 

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. 
The Russians used a pencil.

 

A monkey goes into a store and asks the man at the counter: 
- Do you have any bananas? 
- No,I don't. ( says the man) 
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey) 
- No,I have not got any bananas!!! 
 - Do you have any bananas? 
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!!! 
- Do you have any nails? 
- No,I don't. 
- Do you have any bananas?

 

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. 
When asked to define "Great" he said, 
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" 
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

 

Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. 
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman." 
"OK," says Ivan. 
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."

 

A man goes hiking. he gets tired after a while and finds a cave to rest in he sees a shining light at the end of the tunnel its a magic lamp he rubs it and a genie pops out. 
The genie says, "I will give you three wishes but there's a catch, everything you wish for your wife gets double." 
So the man says okay. 
First he wishes for a convertible, the genie says, "OK your wife gets double." 
Then he wishes for a million dollars, the genie says, "OK your wife gets double." 
Then his last wish is, "give me half my life's bills"

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 



Comments (7)

Morgan G said

at 4:54 pm on Oct 1, 2010

so funny nice pics

Rhys said

at 8:48 am on Oct 6, 2010

Lucia said

at 9:59 pm on Oct 6, 2010

oh my gosh juan your voki is so funny!

Rhys said

at 9:48 am on Dec 7, 2010

NOT

AKabodian said

at 9:01 am on Jan 19, 2011

Juan, I love your book review. The quotes and the general enthusiasm for the book are very telling. You seem to love that author's work.

AKabodian said

at 9:01 am on Jan 19, 2011

Can you create a link to this page from the Book Reviews page? Ask me for help if you need it.

JustinG5 said

at 1:06 pm on May 3, 2011

chek my new voki

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